Wednesday, February 16, 2005

There ain't nothing like blogging

Most times after blogging, I click the nifty button in the corner which states in bold friendly terms - 'Next Blog'. Y'see, I am a curious cat and like to see what everyone else is talking about.

Before I start my stating my pearls of wisdom (or goofery, depending upon your point of view) I should state a few facts first

1. Only 18% of the internet is ever read. That's EVER.
2. The average attention span of a surfer is 8 seconds. That's just a little more than your average goldfish.
3. One thing really liable to get people really narked at you is badly designed webpages
4. And another likely problem is pop up ads

Bear this in mind, dear surfer, or budding Adrian Mole (or whatever) before you start a blog or design a web page. When clicking next blog, I find:

The Diarist
Well, hey, there's nothing wrong with that. And some of them are really touching. I bookmarked one actually, cos it gave such a fascinating view of a life so far away I just had to give it deeper consideration. Remembering facts 1 and 2 again, the diarist's blog is probably less likely to be read by your sister, which frequently happens if you have it down in a big red book given to you for Christmas (by same sister). The ones that really get up my nose though r th 1s tht typ evrythng in txt spk. Please tell me, that if you really really really want your work of art on the web, and not on your hard drive (or under your bed) do you not want it at least intelligible? Or have I arrived at the wrong planet?

The Seller/Marketer
Quite. Remember facts 1 and 2. You need to advertise your blog more than your actual product. Still, at least these things are free. Some like to bring in the pop up ads. One charming site gave me a virus from one of the pop ups which took weeks to get rid of. Thanks, whoever that was. And see fact 4.

The budding Web Designer
AWFUL. Yes, most of the hybrid designs are just DREADFUL. And usually pink. And also designed on an obscure browser. I use Netscape, Mozilla and IE. None of them make the page look right, so can only assume they picked up some freebee with their Apple Mac, cos they think that M$ are money grabbing (people of dubious parentage). Look, busters, the reason why we use Netscape and IE is because we find that most corporations use them, they've had all the bugs kicked out of them, you can read 90% of the web with them. Apart from your ruddy annoying, badly designed web pages. And since I have the attention span of a goldfish, and don't want to ruin my eyes with bright yellow or pink, I click Next Blog pretty darn quick. See fact 3. And get rid of those BLOODY pop up boxes, MILLIONS of the buggers, TELLING ME HOW WONDERFUL YOUR WEB PAGE IS AND TO CLICK 'OK'!! Sorry those swines are more annoying than anything else. One had the cheek to say...'enjoy my blog' ...'don't create another like it!'...yeah like I'm really gonna try and annoy the remaining blog population that you haven't alienated. The blog was about 6 miles long as well.

The Newsreader
One web page for you. End of.

The 'Have to Write Something Today'
Take a day off once in a while sheesh. Apart from those trying to stay in contact with others across the world whilst not paying a fortune in phone bills or postage, then fair enough. Those with a couple of mates who you speak with daily via Talk Talk, what IS the point? Hey, there's more to life than a laptop. Or something.

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